Not too long ago, a writer pal of mine sold a novel for a lot of money. Like A LOT of money. Even better than the money though, finishing and selling that novel (his first) was the realization of a lifelong dream.
News like this is pretty heady stuff—for the writer, and for the writer’s friends—and it’s had me thinking about empathetic joy.
The term empathetic joy is a translation of the Sanskrit word mudita. Though apparently, the word mudita has no exact counterpart in English…which I suppose is pretty telling in itself.
Empathetic joy, along with loving-kindness, compassion, and equanimity, are the four Brahmaviharas or Divine Abodes, which are considered in most schools of Buddhism to be the virtues most worth cultivating.
I’m always a little relieved by the word cultivating, which implies I don’t have to practice these virtues every minute of the day, I only have to try. Because let’s face it, some people make it really hard to feel anything that resembles loving-kindness toward them. And some situations, like a year-long pandemic, can test even the most enlightened person’s equanimity. And every now and again, another writer (sometimes even a friend of yours) gets something you really, really want.
When I heard about my writer pal’s book deal, I definitely felt something I would describe as empathetic joy. I also felt a burning desire for the same thing to happen to me.
I don’t think these two feelings are mutually exclusive. (At least, I hope they’re not.)
Back when I was a member of the San Francisco Writers Grotto, I saw plenty of empathetic joy every time someone sold a book. We were all genuinely happy for the writers. We were also happy for ourselves, because every sale seemed proof that people really do sell their books.
Perhaps I have too generous a view of the Brahmaviharas, but I believe it’s okay to want for yourself what another writer gets. It’s what you do with that wanting. Do you tell yourself that your writer pal got the last big book deal of the century and you might as well quit writing? Or do you remind yourself that books get sold (sometimes for a lot of money) and that every now and again, a writer realizes his dream?
Simply Beautiful. It is that kind of empathetic joy that has us all moving from scarcity thinking to abundant thinking and that is the kind of world I want to live in. There is enough oxygen (or fill in the blank) for all of us to breathe and live full lives. Thank you, Janis!! This post was a great way for me to start my day.
Wonderful piece! You unite Buddhist concepts and practical daily life well in all your missives. Thank you!